LAS VEGAS, NV - Nearly thirteen years after promising to hunt down the real killers of his estranged wife Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman, O.J. Simpson announced today that there has been a breakthrough in his investigation. After sifting through voluminous evidence from his own trial, Simpson has determined that the pair was killed with a large knife. Additionally, Simpson believes the crime scene evidence indicates the killer was "short, probably white, and not very athletic."
"All those years of tough investigative work are finally paying off." said Simpson, who is awaiting trial in an unrelated case for kidnapping, armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, burglary, coercion and conspiracy to commit crimes. "Now it's just a matter of tracking that bastard down."
Simpson says he deduced the race of the killer from reviewing the infamous glove test during his trial. "Obviously that glove was way too small for my hands - and you know what they say about the size of a man's hands. So, undoubtedly it was a short white guy." Determining the murder weapon was a little trickier, with Simpson relying on instinct in the end. "A big knife is what I would have used." he said.
The Los Angeles Police Department, who has not made any further arrests in the case, says that it will review the new evidence to determine if re-opening the case is warranted. "We are just as interested as Mr. Simpson is in finding the real killer or killers." said Detective Tom Lange, lead investigator in the case. "Any assistance we receive from concerned citizens, even murderers, is greatly appreciated."
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