SAN DIEGO, CA - A study conducted by the Food and Drug Administration and Howyflyl University reveals that Quaaludes have proven to be an effective treatment for adult ADHD, and could one day wipe out the dreaded disease
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NORFOLK, VA - The animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals today issued a statement demanding a ban on the practice of placing lipstick on pigs. The custom, widely referenced in retail sales and politics, is believed to be on the rise due to a surprising amount of media attention
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WASHINGTON, DC - The Occupational Safety and Health Administration issued a ruling today requiring all warning signs to carry warning labels, effective immediately. The requirements apply to all warning signs placed since 1974, and call for stiff fines for non-compliance. The Administration hopes the move will help stem the growing warning sign injury
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SAN RAMON, CA - Chevron Corporation, the nation's second largest energy company, announced today it will cut gas prices by 9/10 cents per gallon effective immediately. The move comes with the news of forecasts for record high
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NEW HAVEN, CT - A nationwide furniture manufacturer has been named in a massive class-action lawsuit filed today in federal court. Ashley Furniture Industries was notified of the $700 million suit by federal prosecutors in Connecticut. The suit references a recent study
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LOS ANGELES, CA - SUV drivers, increasingly falling victim to the bursting market bubble of the popular vehicles, are finding themselves struggling to keep their means of transportation. Faced with rising fuel prices, lengthy loan agreements, and the skyrocketing costs of rim maintenance, many SUV owners are on the brink of
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BENTONVILLE, AR - A proposed amendment to the $170 billion economic stimulus package could save billions of dollars and infuse the economy even faster than originally anticipated. Arkansas Senator William S. Walton is recommending that lawmakers take the main idea of the package - putting money in the hands of those who would spend it quickly - a step further by sending the entire amount directly to Wal-Mart.
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WASHINGTON, DC - The Food and Drug Administration dealt a stinging blow to the canned meat industry today with a ruling on a popular processed ingredient. Manufacturers of vienna sausages - small, tasty meat-like wieners - have already vowed to fight the decision in court, as the motion declares their main ingredient, 'mechanically separated chicken', unfit for human consumption.
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WASHINGTON, DC - A little-known initiative in the energy bill recently passed by Congress has beer drinkers and manufacturers alike in a stir. Along with measures to phase out incandescent bulbs and tax incentives for biking to work, the bill calls for light beers to replace regular beers by 2012. Lawmakers
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CHICAGO, IL - A statement released today by the National Retailer's Association declares that early holiday sales are the slowest ever. When adjusted for inflation and seasonal influences, the Association claims the data foretells the worst holiday sales figures in history. The Daily Redundancy has conducted research indicates a sales history that extends back over 2,000 years.
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LAS VEGAS, NV - The ratings for coverage of O.J. Simpson's armed robbery trial are 'abysmal' according to trial broadcast experts. Producers had hoped that the Simpson name alone would bolster numbers during the November sweeps, but now speculate the public may think that armed robbery is
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SALT LAKE CITY, UT - The national office of the Council on Decency in Broadcasting has issued a letter to NBC demanding that male contestants on the popular show 'The Biggest Loser' keep their shirts on during the show. Traditionally, male contestants will remove their shirts during the weigh-in
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EL SEGUNDO, CA - Mattel will embark on a new marketing campaign by introducing 'Grief Counselor Barbie' this Saturday at the Los Angeles International Toy Show. As the first doll in the 'Human Services Professional' line, Mattel hopes the new doll will appeal to parents eager for their daughters to enter the growing human services industry.
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WASHINGTON, DC - The Occupational Safety and Health Administration today raised the safety incident probability rating of laptop computers, making them unsafe for use in the work area without precautionary measures. The ruling comes on the heels of a three year study of
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REDMON, WA - Savvy entrepreneur Richie Fellows has reached an agreement with a European conglomerate to sell his massive online enterprise for $1 trillion dollars. The sale, which has been rumored for months, will become final pending approval by the Securities and Exchange Commission. Pending the transaction, Mr. Fellows will become what is believed to be the world's first trillionaire.
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HOUSTON, TX - In a surprising move, NASA has recalled all diapers manufactured for astronauts use in space. Officials familiar with the situation claim use of these diapers - which are designed for use in the microgravity of space - may somehow trigger strange behavior
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