DANA POINT, CA - Members of the competition committee here at the NFL owner's meeting have voted to adopt OSHA standards into the official rulebook. Inspectors from the workplace safety organization will be invited to all NFL
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NEW YORK, NY - Responding to rumors of unrest over his assignment as sideline reporter during the NFL playoffs, NBC's Tiki Barber issued a statement today embracing his new role, promising newfound enthusiasm for the remainder of the postseason. "I plan to dedicate the new phase of my career to Armen Katayen."
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CINCINNATI, OH - After months of pouring through data from sports publications and websites - as well as fan blogs and forums - The Daily Redundancy has determined the NFL's 10 homeliest cheerleaders for 2008. In an effort to raise awareness of the NFL's dirty little secret regarding homely girls, polls and surveys for the best looking cheerleaders were analyzed to determine which girls received little or no votes. See results here. Once again, our research confirms the presence of at least one homely girl on each NFL squad.
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ORLANDO, FL - Sources close to golf superstar Tiger Woods have confirmed long-held speculation that his season-ending injuries were actually incurred while impregnating his wife Elin. The recent announcement of the birth of a second child in late winter coincides with
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BEIJING, CHINA - Olympic officials continue to be puzzled by regularly sold-out crowds at women's beach volleyball events. While other traditionally popular sports - such as ping pong and badminton - have drawn embarrassingly sparse crowds, the women's events have been standing room only, sparking a brisk
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MIAMI, FL - The Cuban National Rowing Team, missing since the 2000 meter Olympic semifinals in Beijing last week, arrived in Miami Beach today to the surprise of hundreds of beach-goers. All nine members of the team, although quite tired, were in good health and spirits. Although it is not an official Olympic event, it is believed that the team shattered the record for semi-circumnavigation.
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NEW YORK, NY - Newly acquired Jets quarterback Brett Favre underwent emergency surgery late last night to remove an acute mediaintestinal cyst. The condition, which had been dormant for nearly six months, flared up in recent weeks and finally became unbearable to both Favre and the general public. After being rushed to the emergency room, doctors discovered an entire television network lodged deep in Favre's large intestine.
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BEIJING, CHINA - Chinese officials confirmed today that they will not have time to replace 100,000 defective foam fingers before the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics. The fingers, manufactured in North Korea, inadvertently resemble an obscene gesture
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ORLANDO, FL - Former baseball great Roger Clemens today denied allegations he is dating Miley Cyrus, a.k.a. Disney's Hannah Montana. The allegations stem from excerpts released from an upcoming book by Jose Canseco, entitled 'Juiced 2 - Supersized'. The book, due out this summer,
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BRONX, NY - An investigation into clandestine attempts by the Boston Red Sox to jinx the New York Yankees' new stadium continued to widen today. Evidence has been uncovered that a well-organized plan was in place that included current and former players, and prominent items of memorabilia.
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ORLANDO, FL - Tiger Woods limped his way to another tour victory on Sunday, needing a 25 foot putt to birdie the final hole and beat 45 year old journeyman Bart Bryant. The win capped off a disappointing weekend that began with Woods
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MOGADISHU, SOMALIA - The New England Patriots dreams of a perfect season live on here in Somalia, thanks to the efforts of Global Vision. The relief and development organization distributes unused apparel printed prior to the Super Bowl to needy people around the world. The recipients, however, are unaware that the garments are not championship
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TAMPA, FL - The New York Giants kept their Super Bowl dreams alive by beating the Tampa Bay Bucs 24-14 on Sunday. On an unseasonably warm day, the Giants took a 14-7 lead in the second quarter in front of 50,000 pleasant Bucks fans, and never looked back. The playoff road ahead continues to favor the Giants, as they now will head to Dallas
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LOS ANGELES, CA - Officials of the X-Games tour announced today that a waterboarding event will be included in the next competition. The sport sparked the interest of the tour's governing body recently when it was banned for use by military intelligence. Although considered inhumane for interrogation
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TALAHASSEE, FL - The Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission has delayed voting on removing the manatee from the endangered species list until it reviews classification criteria. According to field data, the animal's population has recovered to the point where the species no longer faces the risk of
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FOXBORO, MA - The New England Patriots cruised to a 34-13 win over the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday to maintain their perfect season at 13-0. They were matched, however, by an equally impressive 38-17 loss by the Miami Dolphins, who are on a quest for a perfect
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